Someone recently asked me what person from Scripture I most identify with. One of the people who came to mind, especially in light of the past two years of my life, is Thomas.
Think about the first real interaction that we get with Thomas in the Bible. After hearing what Jesus wanted to do, Thomas “said to his fellow disciples, ‘Let’s go too so that we may die with him,’” (CSB, John 11). Thomas is a leader. He has a clear trust and confidence in Jesus, but it’s also not blind. He’s a realist. He knows he may die, yet He’s still passionate and convicted. He’s ready to die with Jesus and die for Jesus. He’s bought in and sold out. That’s who I want to be.
Not only is Thomas passionate for Jesus, he is also a student of Jesus. There was one day where Jesus shared part of His plan with His disciples. Thomas didn’t quite understand what Jesus was saying, so he asked Jesus a question. “‘Lord,’ Thomas said, ‘we don’t know where you’re going. How can we know the way?’” (John 14). Unlike most of the disciples and often unlike me, Thomas is not embarrassed to ask questions. He’s humble enough to let Jesus into the places that he doesn’t quite understand and He wants to follow Jesus so much so that He asks questions. That’s who I want to be.
But those moments aren’t really what Thomas is remembered for and he only has a few moments in Scripture. He’s not known as the rock and foundation of the Church like Peter. He’s not the disciple whom Jesus loved like John. He’s not even a dope transformation story like Paul. He’s known forever as Doubting Thomas.
But Thomas (called “Twin”), one of the Twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples were telling him, “We’ve seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “If I don’t see the mark of the nails in his hands, put my finger into the mark of the nails, and put my hand into his side, I will never believe.” (John 20:24-25)
One moment—it just took one moment, and that’s forever how Thomas is labeled. All the passion, all the study, all the trust, all the years of following faithfully, but what defined Thomas to so many was not his moments of dedication or determination, but His single moment of doubt. Doubting Thomas. It’s such an easy label to throw on someone. It’s so simple, he’s a doubter, but maybe it’s too simple. Have you ever been in Thomas’ shoes (or sandals)?
What got Thomas from following Jesus faithfully, asking questions, and even being ready to die for Jesus to being a doubter? How does one go from a determined disciple to a disbelieving doubter? To be honest, I am not really sold that Thomas was a doubter. Maybe a better word for Him was disillusioned. Think about it. Thomas put all of His hope and trust in Jesus, and not only that, Jesus called him personally. Thomas must have remembered the moment when Jesus called him. He must have remembered what it felt like to be seen and known by God Himself. Thomas put His hope and trust in Jesus. He was ready to die for Jesus, but instead he had to watch Jesus die. Thomas watched His hopes die. Have you ever had that happen? Let me ask it another way.
Have you ever trusted in Jesus and then He disappoints you? Have you ever trusted that Jesus is going to work things out and then things don’t go the way you thought they would? Have you ever watched the things that you waited for and longed for, the things you thought God promised slowly suffocate and die as you stand there powerless to stop it? Has Jesus ever surprised you?
It’s speculation, but it seems like Thomas was once determined and devout, but following Jesus led Him to a place of very real death and disappointment. Have you ever been shocked by Jesus? It’s so easy to label moments like Thomas’ as doubt, but I think it may be disappointment which often leaves people disillusioned.
And it’s there that we find Thomas. The last thing he saw was Jesus dead on the cross and all of his hopes and dreams and plans dead there too. It’s been a few days, long enough for the grief to really kick in. And it’s in the middle of his grieving that his friends tell him that they’ve seen Jesus. Jesus is back from the dead. And Thomas replies, “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and put my finger into the mark of the nails, and put my hand into his side, I will never believe!” (John 20).
These aren’t the words of a doubter. These are the wounds of someone who has experienced deep disappointment. The English word that is used for “believe” is really the Greek word that means “entrust.” Thomas is saying, “I’m not gonna trust that again." I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I can’t put my heart into trusting again. So Thomas goes behind four walls and locks the door, and the physical walls and locked door probably don’t even come close to how secure and locked up his heart is. Thomas isn’t going to open up again.
I think I resonate with Thomas because I’m almost through my twenties (you’ll get that when you hit 27). It seems like my twenties have been a juxtaposition of desires and deaths, triumphs and tears, fulfillments and failures, promises and pains. The last two years alone have been the most rewarding and fulfilling years of my life and yet the most painful years of my life. I understand Thomas. I know a lot of my friends understand Thomas. I bet you may understand Thomas too.
Like many of us, disappointment and disillusionment drive Thomas to wall himself up and lock himself in. He won’t even look to see. Maybe the walls and doors kept him from seeing, but it’s in those moments that Jesus shows up as the God who walks through walls.
A week later his disciples were indoors again, and Thomas was with them. Even though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and look at my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. (John 20:26-27a)
Not only does Jesus walk through walls, He shows Thomas His own wounds and scars, essentially saying “Thomas, I get what it’s like to be wounded.” Oh the empathy and kindness and persistence of Jesus! Jesus then invites Thomas, and everyone like Thomas, to not wait to see how He will work things before trusting Him. Jesus invites Thomas to trust even though he’s been disappointed.
“Stop doubting and believe.”Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. (John 20:27b-31)
When you read these words what voice comes to your imagination? It’s easy to imagine Jesus having a slightly condescending or reprimanding tone, but that’s really not how Jesus operates. That’s not how He speaks to His disciples. Yes, Jesus corrects His disciples, but He is not condescending in His correction. I doubt there was any condemnation in Jesus’ eyes, but probably only a look of love. Jesus, with the most loving and kind tone, invites Thomas to trust before seeing.
I think “doubting” is an overly-simplified label to put on Thomas. I think it’s probably an overly-simplified label to put on a lot of us. However you may label yourself and wherever you’re at in life, maybe the label you’re putting on yourself or on others is spoken too soon. Right now could look like doubt or despair or disappointment or disillusionment, but the story may not be finished quite yet. With Jesus even the worst death is followed by resurrection. And that resurrection life is not just for Jesus; it’s for you too. Jesus can walk through walls to give it to you, and the invitation is to trust Him amidst disappointment even when you can’t see how things will work out.
